Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Barren Streets

Original version: Barren Streets (Come join me)

Originally written by Rahul Sharma/Make Me Disappear
Re-written and edited by Ajey Padival/Brosreview

Barren Streets
Knock me down
Red Blocks pass by as
I walk alone
Striking chords with lifeless things

I take a look around
And, I see
The sky is not blue
And, flowers have
Lost their hue

No, don’t close yourself in a pot
Where your thoughts are barred
Break open it!
Come out of it!
Or, you’ll loose yourself in the drought

Come join me!
As I walk alone
Striking chords with lifeless things

Life waves at us
From the other side
It smiles as it dances
Keep your arms wide open
And, let the ends meet

Spread a smile
Offer a hug
Give it all
That you have
And, let humanity breed

Come join me!
As I walk alone
Striking chords with lifeless things


Copyright © Rahul Sharma, ed. Ajey Padival 2009 (India/Australia; rahulsharma115@gmail.com and ajeypadival@msn.com)

18 responses:

Make Me Disappear said...

Hey Ajey,

Thank you for the edit. It is more lively now. :)

Brosreview said...

Not a problem!!!

Rikkij said...

Nice job, Ajey. made me feel like a Sunday morning in reflection. ~Rick

Brosreview said...

@Rikkij - Thanks mate.

Shadow said...

this is just perfect!

Brosreview said...

@Shadow - Thanks!!!

Alexandra Garland said...

Good edit, still keeping the original feel of the poem.
-Alex

Brosreview said...

@Alexandra - Yes, that was the whole intention. I wanted to change quite a few things without loosing the essence of Rahul's original work.

I am glad to know that it works. Thank you!!!

Saadi said...

Really good! The title fits the piece really really well!!

Two thumbs up!

Linda S. Socha said...

Bro

Tell me more about your intention with this one?
Linda

Brosreview said...

@Saadi - Yea, thanks to Rahul's theme and words and a bit of tweaking here and there. We converted it into a song. Seems like it turned out good.

Thank you!!!

Brosreview said...

@Linda - Umm, the main intention was to convert Rahul's poem to a song. I have added the link of the original one here. We played around with the original to come up with a tad different take.

Well, your question makes me think that I am imposing a lot over others. That's not the case here. It is a mutual understanding. All the rights remain with the original writer, not me. Since I edited it, I posted it here after taking Rahul's permission.

Linda S. Socha said...

Bros..No not at all... I think I thought I was missing a deep deep meaning of a discovery nature...Sometimes I over analyze!:>)
Linda

Brosreview said...

@Linda - Oh, okay. Well, I think Rahul shall be the best one to answer this as it is his theme.

Well, in a nutshell, it is about keeping an open mind, dreaming and being a human being by spreading a smile.

Umm, this one does not have a hidden meaning.

Thanks for clearing that up.

judith ellis said...

Ajey - This is beautiful. I find it incredibly hopeful amid "lifeless things."

I love these lines:

"Life waves at us
From the other side
It smiles as it dances
Keep your arms wide open
And, let the ends meet"

Brosreview said...

@Judith - Thank you!!! This is just an edit of Rahul's work. We both worked on his poem to turn it into a song. I am glad you like this one.

Viji said...

long back i wrote something on barren thoughts...

Sitting at the river bank, throwing pebbles
watching the water ripple,
Mind in a daze, not taking notice of hand's action.

Every organ acting on it's own volition
Walked miles, not feeling the pain...
Ate when not hungry, slept with eyes open.

Disoriented life, jumbled thoughts
Tried to swallow the lump in my throat
Couldn't cry, as the tears became dry...

Wishing to live, longing to die
My heart a barren land,
deserted and dry...

Waiting for a breeze to envelope me..
A gentle hand to remove the thorns
A tender heart to teach me love.

many of us feel this way once in a while but

Life waves at us
From the other side
It smiles as it dances
Keep your arms wide open
And, let the ends meet

I loved it... especially
"Spread a smile
Offer a hug
Give it all
That you have
And, let humanity breed"

"spread a smile", it's not going to cost a great deal, yet gives so much in return.. keep writing..smiles for you Ajey..

Brosreview said...

@Viji - Your lines are beautiful. Thank you!!!