Monday, December 21, 2009

Cold metal


(Piano INTRO)
(NO DRUMS THROUGHOUT)

Walking on the track
Where I think, but my
Thoughts are elsewhere

(Bass begins + Piano)

Steadily through the aisle
It goes, trembling and whistling
To burst open with seeds

(Strings begin + Bass + Piano)

Running on the path
It forms, concentric waves
In the coffee cup

(Guitar begins)
(Guitar solo)

My body stretched
My conscience stooped
My fear of derailment

Light from the tunnel
Is blinding, the sound
I hear is deafening

The sweaty fireworks
The cold and rambling jerks
Snow falls from the trees

(Guitar stops)
(Piano break)

A talk to myself
Ever changing shadows
Different patterns, they weave

(Strings break)

The merging voices settle
Amidst the thoughts, and the
Chain is finally pulled

(Strings stop)

The snow thawed
The water dripped, but
The vapour filled the timeless day

(Bass stop)

And, I
Forced my warmth on the
Cold metal

(Piano EXTRO)


Copyright © Ajey Padival 2009 (Brisbane, Australia; +61434360675; ajeypadival@msn.com)

Image by Wiciaq

39 responses:

Strawberry Girl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Strawberry Girl said...

Brilliant,

The ever running train pushing forward pushing forward like life,
which seems to feel at times as though it were running along sometimes of its own volition.

This piece is so complex that it will take many, many readings to flesh out the details of what you are saying.

The immediate reaction that I have though is of a somewhat desperate attempt at staying on track when so many chaotic things are happening.

I am in awe here darling, Muwah!

J said...

Hmm, Ajey, this is one of the complex stuff that you've written so far. As Annie has implied, this is deceivingly simple. Hang on, I cannot claim that as this one is not simple.

Hey, these are haiku and tanka put together,, aren't they? Fabulously brilliant! Just staggering!

I also understand a carnal pleasure here. And, there is a big "moral but" here.

No, I will talk to you about it rather than revealing much of what I think.

Ah, you are just excellent at this stuff!

Hush, I am off to your darling's spot now.

Shadow said...

we go, we divert, we re-start, hear the words, that we should, that we must, that we dream... ever-changing, as life... love this ajey!

Riddhiculuos said...

Mind Blowing.. Your thoughts are right on the track not elsewhere... Veyr very nice.. coming after a long time.. and soo glad that i did brose....
:)

SandyCarlson said...

This is an utterly gorgeous piece. Really, really beautiful.

The Write Girl said...

What a stirring piece here AJ...the mind and body certainly feels a great emotional pull. There seems to be some abstract elements as well. I enjoyed reading your words.

Judith Ellis said...

Powerful, Ajey! What images, one after another. It's like a reel to reel.

island of peace said...

simply gorgeous.

aditya said...

I had read this one, this morning. I just came back home, I held the freezing cold handle of the door, to open, and in a flash I was reminded of your Cold Metal. So here I am.

This is a nice piece AJ. Images, disturbing, you evoke. The ending is absolutely unrelenting.

And, I
Forced my warmth on the
Cold metal.

Sweet ! I liked it thoroughly.

Keep writing.

Brosreview said...

@SG - Muwah! Thanks honey! There are many "chaotic things" happening. You've got that right!

Brosreview said...

@J - Thanks, so much. Yes, this is like Album THE. Very complex.

Brosreview said...

@Shadow - Thanks!!

Brosreview said...

@Riddhiculous - Thanks

Brosreview said...

@SandyCarlson - Thanks!

Brosreview said...

@The Write Girl - Thanks

Brosreview said...

@Judith - Thanks!!

Brosreview said...

@island of peace - Thanks

Brosreview said...

@Aditya - Thanks mate

Inky said...

I have always loved anything you wrote. I always find such truth in all you write, I love how you made the snow thaw, the water dripped, warming the cold metal.. WOW!!
Timeless and priceless


BTW I have just rinsed my head of the fog LOL seeing your true love is SG WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! what a blessing wishing you both happiness so well deserved..

HOLY CRAP WHERE HAVE I BEEN LOL

MERRY XMAS

SandyCarlson said...

Back for another listen. Your blog is such a wonderful experience all of the time.

Vittaldas Prabhu said...

Ajey,
It definitely took me several iterations of reading and a little peek into the comments to get me started with comprehending this song. This one is definitely complex.

I felt it was of a man who has thousands of thoughts haunting him. There is distaste for life itself in his mind.

Merry Christmas.

Cheers,
Vittal

island of peace said...

merry christmas!!!

Waiting for your next post.

Walker said...

The crossroads forcing us to choose then sweeping us away.

Merry Christmas

Brosreview said...

@Inky - Haha, that is okay. You now know! Thanks, you!!!

Brosreview said...

@SandyCarlson - You're always welcome!

Brosreview said...

@Vittaldas Prabhu - Thanks. Yes, this is very very complex.

Merry Christmas!!!

Brosreview said...

@island of peace - Thanks

Brosreview said...

@Walker - True. Merry Christmas!!!

Chhaya said...

powerful and kind of Nihilistic in its essence.. at least to me. and i love it :)

findingmywingsinlife said...

I can see many, many different things in this one.To name just a few- An inner struggle, an outer one, persistence and perseverance, but also a reverance. Yes, your friend J is right- there is alot to this one and Annie is right on track with where you are going with this I think.

Btw, it took me reading this several times before I commented. Excellent work here!

Alexandra Garland said...

Ajey,
Love this piece!! The complexity of life rendered in few written thoughts; simple yet complex... covers the essence of ones existence.
Excellent write!!
-Alex

Brosreview said...

@Chhaya - Thanks

Brosreview said...

@findingmywingsinlife - Thanks, so much! Yes, this is quite complex.

Brosreview said...

@Alexandra - Thanks, you!

Nadege said...

hey AJ - "vapor filled the timeless
day" - a killer line - so much
to be gleaned.

SarahA said...

I am liking the images here and the images which make me feel such too.

'Running on the path
It forms, concentric waves
In the coffee cup'

My fav of the whole.

Brosreview said...

@SarahA - Thanks, so much!

Cynthia said...

"It goes trembling and whistling to
burst open with seeds".
This is a very emotional song Ajey.