People might not remember the words you tell them, but will surely remember the way you made them feel. Love is a by-product of feelings.
We are all human beings. Since, we live a life that comprises of feelings, sometimes we come across junctions where it is difficult to differentiate the myriad of multiple feelings that is felt.
What to feel? When to feel it? Is it right to feel this way? Or, should I be feeling the other way? Is there anything like feeling the right feeling? I ask myself this question.
All I know is one cannot tell someone to feel a certain way.
Feelings come from within. It is a result of interpretations. So, one must refrain from asking others to not feel a certain way, and rather take a step up and tackle the stimulus to that feeling.
Interpretations can be classified as being correct and incorrect. Feelings cannot. So, do not toil with one’s feelings. They are very personal and reflect one’s self-being.
I am thinking of one of those numerous factors that determine one’s feelings. Today, the one that stands out the most to me is – fear. Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of coming across as being unloving and uncaring. Fear manipulates OR rather tarnishes original and appropriate feelings.
When you really care for someone, you do not want to hurt them. So, you subconsciously develop this fear of hurting your loved one. To avoid hurting someone, honesty is compromised and disguised as being careful and caring. But, when honesty gets on the side walk, things may slip downhill.
I love people who love back and care. And, the following section is simply my way of handling such dilemmas in hand.
People who know me well know my utmost priority is honesty. When I feel something, I express it. I do not like to veil my comments. I call a spade, a spade. I call a rusty spade, a rusty spade.
Therefore, when I complement someone, I mean it from the bottom of my heart. At the same time, when I critique someone, it means that I am not satisfied with what I read/see. Mostly, I accompany these with my personal suggestions.
Many a time people have asked me about my nature that has been termed rude. I believe rude is an interpretation. If I alert someone of their unmatched party wear in private, I am being honest with myself and to the person I am sharing my opinion with. Now, s/he can appreciate the honesty OR call me rude. But, in my perspective, I was being considerate and honest.
On the other hand, if I express my opinion publicly, I subject the other person to humiliation, which can serve as an insult and be termed as inconsiderate and rude.
My point is that one must not compromise on honesty. Say what’s on your mind. But, the tactfulness lies in the tone of voice, the timing and the atmosphere.
For instance (based on a true experiment):
Instead of saying this -
“Oii, you dressed like a hobo! You sacked OR something? What on earth prompted you combine them two colours you jack a**? With that hair cut, you look like a hyena in a costume!”
You can say this –
“Mate, can I have a word? Is this the latest in fashion that I apparently am not aware of. They make you look odd mate. Look at the lining there, don’t you think so? That hair cut is cool, but not for the party with the Queen mate.”
I have loved. I have cared. But, not once have I compromised on sharing my honest opinion with anyone regardless of being loved OR not.
The only time I become “brutally honest” is when I review music OR cars. I do so, because that is explicitly expected from me. I did not get shortlisted for Wheels and Autocar for no reason.
When honesty is not used whilst sharing an opinion, although the caring attitude undoubtedly glows, emotions get bottled up. Bottled up emotions can unexpectedly burst open. This is not healthy.
Instead, it is better to honestly, though cautiously (in terms of time and tone of voice) express yourself so that your self-respect and dignity remains as a result of voicing your opinion.
You be honest, and let the other person judge and form an opinion of appreciating it OR not. By doing so, if the other person understands you well enough, there is less OR no chance of misunderstanding.
Being honest is an advantageous choice. Regardless of the repercussions, you can remain contented after having been honest. Sometimes you may come across scenarios when you may not be asked for your opinion. Then, you can choose to voluntarily express it. I prefer to stay mum rather than being dishonest OR smudging my honesty away.
When your opinion is asked for, you have been bestowed with a responsibility. Honour it by being honest. If your opinion is not asked for, you can start the game by voluntarily voicing it OR keeping it to yourself. But, one must not compromise on honesty.
Amidst loved ones, there may not be an outright suggestion for speaking your mind. It is because it goes unsaid. If you love someone, you express your honest opinion to them regardless of being asked for one. It will definitely help them!
Do not fear what others may think of you. It is their opinion of you.
You have your opinions. Express them to honour yourself. It is up to the one whom you have expressed yourself to, to understand OR misunderstand you. You free yourself by expressing yourself and leave the rest to the person to interpret OR misinterpret you.
No matter how harsh it is honesty shows that you care. Timing and tone of speech will lessen the possible hurtful impact. The underlying though glowing subtext of love and care that backs up as the reason for your display of honesty will bring a smile as it will help realization.
Realization renders contentment.
In this aspect, I love cats. My good friend Annie once told me a fact about cats that I will always remember. She reasoned her love for cats by this - “cats are honest”. A human being may hide their feelings as they dodge and try to decide between honesty, love and care, but a cat does not do so. A cat honestly displays its feelings.
Hmm, on that bombshell, I must conclude by a weird statement – human beings should emotionally behave like cats.
Photo by Ajey Padival
Copyright © Ajey Padival 2010 (Brisbane, Australia; +61434360675; firstname.lastname@example.org)
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