Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Chastity - A Confession

These days sexual intimacy has become a prerequisite for relationships. The reason behind this is the number of sexual content one can find on television, films, magazines, advertisements, easily available pornographic material leading to the ultimate dip in moral behaviour.

Being a student in film and TV as well as advertising I have read several articles and journals addressing that if sexual content is present in any form of media, it will sell. It may not be a “hit”, but it shall still sell.

I have also read confession-based columns where boys have threatened women (and vice versa) to have a sexual relationship if they preferred theirs to last. Since the past decade OR so relationships solely based on sex has become increasingly popular. If the foundation of your relationship is sex OR even physical attraction, opt out of it!

Sex is an emotion in motion. Sex is addictive. Sex is damaging.

Medically, the body goes through a lot when you have sex. People do not realize that their body carries almost twice their body mass when they are having sex. The amount of energy used by your body while having sex is immense. And, that is why some people end up in tears after sex due to the lack of energy to do anything else later on. People do not realize all of these harmful factors because it is clouded by the penultimate pleasure derived from the climax – the orgasm. Sex is addictive.

There is a small difference between sex and making love. I have read a few medical journals stating that sex is to the point, whereas making love is a process and more elaborate, therefore more time consuming, patient and satisfying.

Sex without love is an empty experience. Passion is necessary while making love.

It is the satisfaction that makes it very much addictive. I am a firm believer that one must not become addictive to anything. It is hard but not impossible to resist temptation. That includes sex.

I have never been into sex. I have never been interested in it as I have always been into other forms of entertainment, motorsports, and so on. I recall the times when some of the guys from my class would meet up only to watch pornographic material. I was never invited to such meetings. Frankly, I am glad. And, even if I was, I would be busy playing soccer, supporting Michael Schumacher OR defending Kirk Hammett to be one of the best guitarists in the world.  

I have never been a fan of erotic displays of love in public, rough sex, spanking, commenting on one’s assets as I have felt it to be uncomfortable to the viewer. But, most importantly, I have felt it to be disrespectful by the ones indulging in so.

Pornographic material put these thoughts into people. It makes people concentrate on the physical assets of one’s body rather than focusing on one’s face. Recently, I saw a female with a shirt that read “Up here” written across her chest. That says a lot, doesn’t it?

Not a day goes by when I see a guy “checking out” a girl (and vice versa). I am appalled by how people have started complementing someone’s beauty OR rather sexuality by using words such as “hot”, “sexy”, “bombshell”. The sad part is that such complements are accepted and appreciated.

I prefer calling people beautiful than sexy. I believe everyone is beautiful. They need not necessarily look like Brad Pitt OR Kate Moss to be beautiful (that is if you consider these two celebrities to be beautiful).  I have always found Rachel Weisz, Princess Diana, Sandra Bullock, Charlize Theron, Sushmita Sen, Aishwarya Rai and Kate Winslet to being beautiful. It is not their physical appearance, but also their maturity and knowledge, their modesty in dressing up and the manner in which they carry themselves that make them attractive to me. I am not talking of film roles here; I am talking about real life here.

The new rule of fashion that encourages people to show off more skin is another route to erotic behaviour. Therefore, modesty is necessary for chastity. Modesty in both the way one behaves and dresses is required for chastity.

Intellect has always preceded appearance in my books. If I may, it turns me on.

Pornographic material elevates expectations in people and they soon expect their girl/boy friend OR spouses to behave like a porn star. This is one of the root causes of break-ups, extra marital affairs and divorces.

Pornographic media minuses love from sex. Faith is compromised by such illicit and despicable behaviour. So, do you really want to have an empty experience?  
I have seen people who know that premarital sex is not healthy. Still, they continue doing it by falsely convincing themselves with the wrong fact that they can simply repent after committing a crime. Knowingly committing a wrong is not a mistake; it is stupidity.

One must stay away from temptations that may lead them to resentment and depression.

Although I personally live with such high moral standards, I am only human. So, it is normal for me to fall prey to temptations. And I did. The damage was immense.

I presumed that arousing conversations were all right, especially when there is love. But, I fell on my face with this wrong notion. I have hurt and caused pain by doing so. I have lost my strong self-respect, and my otherwise extremely strong self-control in the process. Although I have been comforted by several religious men on several occasions that “saying is not doing”, the damage that I have caused is backfiring on me. This is because I genuinely cared and loved that beautiful human being.

I cannot undo what I have done. But, I sure can ensure it to not happen again.

Our body is ours. Our soul, our self-respect, our identity resides in it. To hurt it is to handicap a person. And, no one has the right to do so. But, I did. I regret I did.

I am in a process of repentance since long now. A sincere repentance, I mean. I know I shall be forgiven by myself, the person I have hurt and Him.  

A few years ago I spoke to a stranger about his love life. He seemed depressed and was wondering whether he could have a normal relationship with his girl friend. Considering their history I advised him - “If you can continue to have a normal relationship with her, even at a friendship level without the mention of sex, your relationship still stands a chance. I mean this”. Now, they are happily married and have a child. I am happy for them.

Everyone deserves a second chance. A fair one. Being someone’s guide by correcting them, by supporting them regardless of their time defines humanity and not just friendship.    

Temptations are a challenge to the Spirit. Temptations are hard to quickly put an end to because as humans, we do not want to completely discourage it. Therefore, temptations are better to be avoided than resisting it.

Photo by Ajey Padival 

Copyright © Ajey Padival 2010 (Brisbane, Australia; +61434360675;

14 responses:

Wendilea said...

I think perhaps that the reason for all the sexual curiosity is the longing for a rediscovery of a spiritual sharing that has long been vilified by religion. I think the sexual intimacy shared by two people comes as close to heaven as I could imagine. It's the shame and guilt that people suffer over sex that is the real culprit, not the act itself... but that is just me and I can't judge another person's perspective. Thanks for boldly sharing your thoughts.

Opaque said...

@Wendilea - I know exactly what you mean. And, I agree too.

Anonymous said...

Great post Aj & photo. I have been around people that feel sex has to be included in all conversations. I have been around people that feel they have to talk dirty so to speak to make me and or the others like him or her, mostly him, and it turned me of the guy. I to have been around people that talk ,flirt, sexually speaking and joined in, enjoying it as it was done is a respectful, tasteful manor and no one was hurt. I have been with men that sex is number one and they were dropped. Sex with the right person can be great, if both so choose. I on the other hand , use the word "sex" in a flirting sense, but when I share myself with the person I truly love I am making love and that is one of the special gifts God has given both genders. Wow this is a great topic I have missed blogging and you and your friends.

TechnoBabe said...

You know that you are probably in the minority concerning your strong beliefs. Sadly. Just the fact that you believe strongly in maintaining your standards and you can see all the ways people live with constant visual and verbal temptations, and you choose to remain strong puts you in a different category. Just being able to say that sex does not rule your life shows a maturity that most adults do not have. And worse, they do not want. They live their lives with the "If it feels good, do it" mantra and they see nothing wrong with it. It reminds me of the reactions hubby and I get when we tell people we don't watch any television. We are "freaks" and "odd" because we have made the decision to keep that crap out of our lives. Your subject today is much more serious than our not watching TV, but you must get the same reaction. You are not a sheep following the majority of dimwitted immature sex addicts. Maybe this is another reason I have instinctively liked you. Having sex simply to feel good or in some sick cases to have pain inflicted on them is not what I think sex is about. It is an addition to my life, not the center of it. I would hope you write another post about the process of your repentance and re-gaining your self respect. By the way, Chelize Theron is one of my favorite women.

James said...

First, a little techie talk. You need to take one or the other of your audio players off "autoplay".

Next, I'll wander back a little further into the sexual hinterlands and cast some blame on The Church for turning anything of pleasure into guilty shame. They made a natural process off limits and demanded that their slaves deny their bodies. This shaming process runs through modern culture like a rancid river.

This goes even further into sexual politics. By preventing sex, they prevented sexual information. By preventing sexual information, they promoted female slavery via endless pregnancies. That's why feminism is such a threat to the church. Not just abortion, but birth control is the biggest threat, because if a woman can control her body, the church (and by inference, men) can't. Now we see "serious" religious leaders and their followers calling for making birth control illegal, in a doomed effort to drag women back into their chains.

That said, your post is excellent, and making love is what's happened with us since the first time.

Shadow said...

straight off i'd have to say that sex is not the be all and end all of a relationship, but i'd also have to say that if i wasn't attracted to someone physically i wouldn't be able to have a long and lasting relationship with them.

but the pressure for a sexual relationship early in a relationship is part of our generation, isn't it. even more so now? probably. and that i don't agree with either. one night stand bring nothing but a physical release to either party, and most likely also hurt feelings the next day when one expects a call which will never come... as much as this point will be argued, there are emotions involved in this physical act, whether you like it or not. and the intimacy, the pleasure, the satisfaction and rewards of a long-term relationship faaaar outweigh those acts with a person you don't really know and as a result, don't trust.

i further think youngsters are under the impression that sex is a way of achieving intimacy, and that it is not. and this is where everything goes haywire.

and whatever you do, NEVER doubt your moral standards. i personally think you are a fine human being and that your views are a damn fine example for anyone out there to aspire to.

Opaque said...

@Inky - Yes, that sick mentality is something I dislike. Also, I have come across people who use sexual references in humor as well. Surprisingly they find it witty. Huh! I dislike sexual references and suggesting such material to someone is simply dirty.


Opaque said...

@TechnoBabe - Yes, I know I am in the minority. Steadily I am coming across people whom I thought I knew; they claimed to dislike such references made by anyone, but are now accepting it and reciprocating to it as well. Ah well!

Yes, I will share my experience here. I believe I am on the right path.

Opaque said...

@James - I understand your point here. But, I am not well versed with the Church to make claims. But, still, I understand what you are trying to put across.

@TechnoBabe - I think if one was truly honest in their past actions, OR truly unaware of their wrong doings, they can sincerely repent, and seek forgiveness.

Opaque said...

@Shadow - Yes, I agree that physical attraction is important. But, it should not become the foundation of one's relationship.

Thank you so much! Someone tells me that receiving such a complement is a big thing! It means a lot to me!!!

Walker said...

I agree with you and then I don’t because you forget one thing, the nature of the beast.
We all are born of the beast.
It’s integrated within our DNA and drives us to survive as a species.
Morally and ethically we can all find arguments to defend both sides but in the end it’s up to the individual to understand who they are and without prejudice to his or her shadow.
You’re battle is harder than most because you have chosen to go against your instincts because of your beliefs.
I have a number of friends who think like you and they to fight more than just their urges but the scrutiny of others.
I myself am the total opposite.
Even though sex in it physical form is not always the drive, sexual innuendo aka flirting is a major part of my life.
Looking at someone and telling them they look beautiful is saying they are a vision to behold with your eyes.
Telling someone they’re sexy is saying your are desirable and I want to hold you in my arms and feel you energy pulsing against mine.

Both powerful but sadly incomplete without the other

So when I say ``I agree with you and then I don’t``, it`s them best the beast and the man could compromise on.

Eva said...

I have a lot of thoughts on this but I'm not quite sure how to get them out. You state the argument well and I do agree with much of it. I hold firm to the belief that our bodies are ours and therefore we'll do what we wish with them. Sometimes mistakes are the only way to see the truth.

findingmywingsinlife said...

ahh, Ajey...
You have spoke about many things here. I could go on and on and only reference a handful of the phrases you've put in here. Surprisingly enough to many people (including myself as I'm not her biggest fan by any means), Lady Gaga would also agree with and does follow your exact sentiments here. And I could elaborate more on that, But I suppose I'm digressing from my comment aren't I?

You've somewhat hit a nerve with this post, I think its well written and sound advice. Chastity is often the one thing that few people believe exists anymore. Perhaps if people spent more time searching for who they are rather than what they want to feel, they'd find themselves in a happier place of existence in this life...I have a lot of thoughts on this one Ajey. I don't really think it'll all fit in the commentary, but please know that I think you are spot on in this "review" of

findingmywingsinlife said...

dang blogger...published my comment before I was ready!

that last line should say spot on in this "review" of what chastity is and what it isn't.