Friday, June 5, 2009

Pardon my Innocence (Interlude)


(SFX – Ethereal music + unclear tones)
(Piano THROUGHOUT w/o drums)

Pardon my innocence
I wanted to feel
How falling would feel
And, would my wounds heal

I did not feel anything
Wounds didn’t heal
I saw myself there
Lying
Dying


Copyright © Ajey Padival 2009 (Brisbane, Australia; +61-434360675; ajeypadival@msn.com)

Image by Harshad Sharma

58 responses:

Shadow said...

few words, but a great few words.

Brosreview said...

@Shadow - Thank you!!! Sometimes, just a few words say a lot.

Make Me Disappear said...

Amazingly amazing Interlude.

Dedicated to this write of yours:

When I looked into the mirror
I did not see me, indeed him
He stood still, numb
And then he crashed onto the ground


Hope you'll like it :)

Brosreview said...

@Make Me Disappear - Thanks man! Your lines are splendid!

J said...

An unconventional interlude AJ. I like the SFX in the background and the idea to play this piece minus the drums. It adds more to the "ethereal" factor.

But, I imagine you can possibly strengthen the fourth line by adding an "ever" anywhere there.

A strong piece! Outta boy!

Brosreview said...

@J - Thank you!!! I appreciate the suggestion but I fear, adding the word "ever" might change the desired meaning I intend to deliver via this song.

SarahA said...

My kinda write.I have such a short attention span *sigh* But hey why write an essay when you can say everything you want to in a few lines?
Everything said here.Well done, you.

Brosreview said...

@SarahA - Thank you!

Jenny said...

Ajey,

Fantastic and frightful! A complex relationship between beauty and dread.

I admire your way of uniting contrasts and your geniune urgent style. It feels so honest and real, which makes me associate to the blues.

Best,

Jenny

Brosreview said...

@Jenny - Ah, thank you so much!

Satans Darling™ said...

Small compilation of words with a huge impact :) Great work!

Brosreview said...

@Satans Darling - Thank you!

inky said...

few words that say so much. this was amazing. Good write, Have a GREAT weekend. :}

mysterious gal said...

aww...that pinched a portion of my heart....and a truly amazing write :)
Loved it :)

Diya said...

This is so wonderful, We want to experience so many things in Innocence!I just don't know what to comment.
Thank you. :)

Brosreview said...

@inky - Thank you!

Brosreview said...

@mysterious gal - Well, that was the intention; thank you!

Brosreview said...

@Diya - Thanks!

Rebekah Cadman said...

They say the hardest thing to do is convey something in a few words. Not only did you convey it but it captivated me. So great.

I love "pardon my innocence I wanted to feel". I felt like it was so powerful. It transported me to a time in my life when I was so desperate to feel anything (good or bad) that innocence felt like a liability to me.

Brosreview said...

@Rebekah - Thank you so much! Yes, you are so true!

Rikkij said...

AJ- what more need be said? Perfect in timing and pitch. A clear answer. ~rick

Brosreview said...

@Rikkij - Thanks mate!

MAN IN PAINTING said...

amazing structure.
wishes.
take care

Loren Fay. said...

this pictures you use are always beautiful. do you have a place where this music is expressed so we can listen to it, or is it just writen down here? cause, you should get yourself on itunes, thats all i am sayin'.

Brosreview said...

@Man in painting - Thanks!

Brosreview said...

@Loren - No, I imagine them. You are very kind. Thank you!!!

Pretty Me!! said...

so touching !! i cud picture myself there !!

Brosreview said...

@Pretty Me! - Thank you!!!

findingmywingsinlife said...

That certainly says a whole lot, the picture is a perfect compliment to the words.

riddhi said...

For once I can say you are a man of few words..hehe
Nice. very Nice. very very nice. Ok yeah Nice. and did i say that it was nice??
Oh I forgot it was nice.
felt it. Thanks for writing this one.

Viji said...

A man of few words :)

beautiful lines...
" I wanted to feel
How falling would feel"

Alexandra Garland said...

Ajey,
Compact but filled with so many emotions and content - few perfectly written though provoking words. Love this kind!!
Frightening, but still hopeful...
-Alex

Brosreview said...

@findingmywingsinlife - The picture suits the lines, doesn't it? Thank you!!!

Brosreview said...

@riddhi - Thank you!!! Well, it is an interlude, it better be short, what do you think? Thanks, once again.

Brosreview said...

@Viji - Thank you!!!

Brosreview said...

@Alexandra - Thank you!!! Yes, the idea was to be short and intense.

The Write Girl said...

Beautifully written and so succinct. Nicely done and lovely photo.

Brosreview said...

@The Write Girl - Thanks, you!!!

Woman in a Window said...

Just a few
through
which to pass
upon decent.

ouch~

I like this one.

Brosreview said...

@Woman in a Window - Nicely put! Thanks!!!

Bonnie Bonsai said...

powerful ....aptly describes me at the moment.

you seem to feel my emotion in this current state.

wounds keep opening and reopening.

but i refuse ...the dying and the lying state.

Brosreview said...

@Bonnie - Thank you!!! Yes, the lying and dying section applied only to a few.

Zendagi Migzara said...

Now that was "WOW".. Captured the essence... Innocence personified in measured words.....

Brilliant.. Keep writing...!!

Escapist said...

Your wrds explain the horizons f wrds ,i liked yur way f summing up wrdz.....

good luck

Brosreview said...

@Zendagi - Thanks!!!

Brosreview said...

@Escapist - Thanks!!!

judith ellis said...

Beautiful, Ajey! There is an outer body experience here in multi-dimensional time: past and present. A story told in few lines that reveals such depth. The opening three words are gripping, considering the ending and the reality that age has nothing to do with innocence. It is the desire to see what escaping will be and if the pain will cease with a leap. The innocence is innocous, made real only by seeing. "I saw myself there." But the seeing is after the fact. Perfect!

Brosreview said...

@Judith - Ah! thank you so much!

thoughts said...

absolutely beautiful. harsh reality.

Brosreview said...

@thoughts - Thank you! Reality, innit?

zorlone said...

Short and skillfully done. Like a the "greeting cards" that we used to read, but this one is more of a confession or admission of failure.

Brave yet humble. I think.

Z

Brosreview said...

@zorlone - Thank you!!!

gynophile said...

Nice . . I liked the last lines --

Lying.
Dying.

Brilliant !

Brosreview said...

@gynophile - Thanks!

Walker said...

Some wounds go to deep to heal

Brosreview said...

@Walker - True! Thanks for reading!

Saadi said...

I don't think this is the most original comment you've gotten on this one but I'd like to say;

'Good things come in small packages'

Brosreview said...

@Saadi - Ha! Thank you!!!