(SFX – Ethereal music + unclear tones)
(Piano THROUGHOUT w/o drums)
Pardon my innocence
I wanted to feel
How falling would feel
And, would my wounds heal
I did not feel anything
Wounds didn’t heal
I saw myself there
Lying
Dying
Copyright © Ajey Padival 2009 (Brisbane, Australia; +61-434360675; ajeypadival@msn.com)
Image by Harshad Sharma
Posts
58 responses:
few words, but a great few words.
@Shadow - Thank you!!! Sometimes, just a few words say a lot.
Amazingly amazing Interlude.
Dedicated to this write of yours:
When I looked into the mirror
I did not see me, indeed him
He stood still, numb
And then he crashed onto the ground
Hope you'll like it :)
@Make Me Disappear - Thanks man! Your lines are splendid!
An unconventional interlude AJ. I like the SFX in the background and the idea to play this piece minus the drums. It adds more to the "ethereal" factor.
But, I imagine you can possibly strengthen the fourth line by adding an "ever" anywhere there.
A strong piece! Outta boy!
@J - Thank you!!! I appreciate the suggestion but I fear, adding the word "ever" might change the desired meaning I intend to deliver via this song.
My kinda write.I have such a short attention span *sigh* But hey why write an essay when you can say everything you want to in a few lines?
Everything said here.Well done, you.
@SarahA - Thank you!
Ajey,
Fantastic and frightful! A complex relationship between beauty and dread.
I admire your way of uniting contrasts and your geniune urgent style. It feels so honest and real, which makes me associate to the blues.
Best,
Jenny
@Jenny - Ah, thank you so much!
Small compilation of words with a huge impact :) Great work!
@Satans Darling - Thank you!
few words that say so much. this was amazing. Good write, Have a GREAT weekend. :}
aww...that pinched a portion of my heart....and a truly amazing write :)
Loved it :)
This is so wonderful, We want to experience so many things in Innocence!I just don't know what to comment.
Thank you. :)
@inky - Thank you!
@mysterious gal - Well, that was the intention; thank you!
@Diya - Thanks!
They say the hardest thing to do is convey something in a few words. Not only did you convey it but it captivated me. So great.
I love "pardon my innocence I wanted to feel". I felt like it was so powerful. It transported me to a time in my life when I was so desperate to feel anything (good or bad) that innocence felt like a liability to me.
@Rebekah - Thank you so much! Yes, you are so true!
AJ- what more need be said? Perfect in timing and pitch. A clear answer. ~rick
@Rikkij - Thanks mate!
amazing structure.
wishes.
take care
this pictures you use are always beautiful. do you have a place where this music is expressed so we can listen to it, or is it just writen down here? cause, you should get yourself on itunes, thats all i am sayin'.
@Man in painting - Thanks!
@Loren - No, I imagine them. You are very kind. Thank you!!!
so touching !! i cud picture myself there !!
@Pretty Me! - Thank you!!!
That certainly says a whole lot, the picture is a perfect compliment to the words.
For once I can say you are a man of few words..hehe
Nice. very Nice. very very nice. Ok yeah Nice. and did i say that it was nice??
Oh I forgot it was nice.
felt it. Thanks for writing this one.
A man of few words :)
beautiful lines...
" I wanted to feel
How falling would feel"
Ajey,
Compact but filled with so many emotions and content - few perfectly written though provoking words. Love this kind!!
Frightening, but still hopeful...
-Alex
@findingmywingsinlife - The picture suits the lines, doesn't it? Thank you!!!
@riddhi - Thank you!!! Well, it is an interlude, it better be short, what do you think? Thanks, once again.
@Viji - Thank you!!!
@Alexandra - Thank you!!! Yes, the idea was to be short and intense.
Beautifully written and so succinct. Nicely done and lovely photo.
@The Write Girl - Thanks, you!!!
Just a few
through
which to pass
upon decent.
ouch~
I like this one.
@Woman in a Window - Nicely put! Thanks!!!
powerful ....aptly describes me at the moment.
you seem to feel my emotion in this current state.
wounds keep opening and reopening.
but i refuse ...the dying and the lying state.
@Bonnie - Thank you!!! Yes, the lying and dying section applied only to a few.
Now that was "WOW".. Captured the essence... Innocence personified in measured words.....
Brilliant.. Keep writing...!!
Your wrds explain the horizons f wrds ,i liked yur way f summing up wrdz.....
good luck
@Zendagi - Thanks!!!
@Escapist - Thanks!!!
Beautiful, Ajey! There is an outer body experience here in multi-dimensional time: past and present. A story told in few lines that reveals such depth. The opening three words are gripping, considering the ending and the reality that age has nothing to do with innocence. It is the desire to see what escaping will be and if the pain will cease with a leap. The innocence is innocous, made real only by seeing. "I saw myself there." But the seeing is after the fact. Perfect!
@Judith - Ah! thank you so much!
absolutely beautiful. harsh reality.
@thoughts - Thank you! Reality, innit?
Short and skillfully done. Like a the "greeting cards" that we used to read, but this one is more of a confession or admission of failure.
Brave yet humble. I think.
Z
@zorlone - Thank you!!!
Nice . . I liked the last lines --
Lying.
Dying.
Brilliant !
@gynophile - Thanks!
Some wounds go to deep to heal
@Walker - True! Thanks for reading!
I don't think this is the most original comment you've gotten on this one but I'd like to say;
'Good things come in small packages'
@Saadi - Ha! Thank you!!!
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