Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Dark clouds have a story to tell

Have you ever looked at the blue skies? I am sure you have but have you thought about the stories they have to tell about. There is always a cheerful story they speak of. Everything seems fine. A grand sunshine, beautiful flowers blossoming and there is ideally a happy family standing below it. No one talks about the homeless man trying to find a shady place to lie down for a while.

I like dark clouds. I love storms. I dislike the aftermath especially if the visual appeal and brilliance is at the expense of human lives. Dark clouds have a story to tell. A story how about they were conceived, about why they turned rogue from being those smiling blue clouds drawn on canvas by the youngest kid, may be and even fantasized by many; blue clouds - a synonym of happiness, a ray of hope for many. But, everyone hides from the dark clouds and the storm. They run away without wanting to confront what it has to say. Ultimately, its story remains untold and even worse unheard. Imagine the pain bottled in! The loneliness and the feel of being neglected.

I feel the same on many occasions. Do you know what do I do during these times? I used to turn to the worse by pushing it down my gut and heart and getting inebriate. I used to lie to myself. I used to tell myself dialogues from fantasies so that I could falsely give myself the fake vibe of being cared for. I still do it sometimes. Not any more.

It is so important to be loved. It is so important to be made to feel important. It is pivotal to be felt respected. All these things are important. Then, comes the question - what is not important?! Everything is! Nothing is unimportant in life. It is just that in every stage of life, these factors that we juggle between the important and unimportant (which should be rightfully termed as not-so-important) change. Priorities change! And, so does lifestyles but life remains the same! Lifestyles prevent life from being mundane.

I love my life. I have witnessed suicides. I have held a dying life in my hand. I have been a part of the sorrow. I have immersed myself up to the brim with something that is so famously and unanimously classified as "bad for you". I have lied. I have hurt. I have lied for pleasure. I have lied to protect myself. I have lied to protect others. I have lied nevertheless. I have stolen for the thrill. I have stolen for the need. I had hurt deliberately just alone to quench my parched desire for vengeance. I have hurt by mistake.

I have changed. I have had the desire to be a better man. I have flaws and I accept them without justifying them. I commit mistakes unknowingly though and work on not making them again. I commit to rightful things and abide by them until death.

And, this is what makes me human. It is not my perfections, not alone my goodness, but my incompleteness, my broken heart, my wounded soul that is healing in time that makes me human.

I do not want to be no fancy blue cloud. I want to be that dark cloud that floats around in effervescence with experiences to share in disguise of a tale to remember. My life is beautiful with the shades of black, grey and white. Regrets?! Yes, I have them. But, none of them will dictate my life being one of my regrets.

I am what I am. I am a byproduct of the numerous decisions I have made. I will become what I want to become. I will aim to procure what I need. I will cherish pleasure in the smallest of things. And, if I wander away towards the dark side, please pull me back in.

5 responses:

Strawberry Girl said...

Always sweetheart, always I will pull you back!

I love what you've written here love, I'm so glad you decided to post it. :)

Clouds do remind me at times of different emotions, different life situations. I guess that's why foreboding clouds carry with them some sense of urgency, anticipation; light and fluffy clouds a sense of easiness and peace. The sky is not always peaceful, and neither is our life.

LL Cool Joe said...

Hey good to see you again, and I love this post. Beautiful and so true.

magiceye said...

Beautifully written with a string of poignancy woven through..

Snaggle Tooth said...

I find sometimes folks become who they don't choose to be, through reactions to trauma thrust upon them...

You have such strong resolve.
Very cool pic, n cool thoughts to ponder.

Here you are loved!

Opaque said...

@Strawberry Girl - :D

Thanks all! :)